Part: Chapter Nine: No Reason to Cry
Previous Parts: Prologue, Chapter One, Chapter Two, Chapter Three, Chapter Four, Chapter Five, Chapter Six, Chapter Seven, Chapter Eight
Pairing: Eunhyuk/Donghae, some Yesung/Ryeowook, Henry/Ryeowook.
Rating: PG-13 (sensuality)
Word Count: 4,300
Synopsis: Donghae returns from China and comes to realize his true feelings towards Eunhyuk in a relationship that transcends friendship.
Next Update: Saturday, August 15st (barring no extreme writer's block. You know the deal.)
Sorry this is late (although it's technically still Saturday for me)...got distracted and frustrated over not being able to post on Livejournal for the past two days so I edited this later than usual. GUYS DID YOU SEE THE FANCAM FROM THE EVE
No Reason to Cry
The door opened quietly, and they looked up. Sungmin came out of the dorm and sat down across from them with his back against the railing.
“Hey,” he said quietly. They nodded at him and Donghae wiped his face again. Even though he’d stopped crying a while ago, his face was still moist. Sungmin took a deep breath and leaned forward.
“Listen…” he began, looking at them and smiling. “You two are my best friends. I love you guys. Back there, I was really surprised...I mean, you two have always been close, but I never thought...” he paused and took another deep breath. “What I want to say is, I’m really happy for you. I want you to be happy. I want you to be so happy that you don’t know what to do with yourselves. Okay?”
“Sungmin,” Eunhyuk said, choking on fresh tears. Amazed that he could cry anymore, Donghae covered his face with his hands. Sungmin laughed and inched forward on his knees and hugged them.
“Thank you,” they said, hugging him. Sungmin laughed again. He let go of them after a few seconds and pinched their cheeks, telling them to smile. Donghae smiled at him, grateful for the way he was treating them. Sungmin nodded once and stood up and stretched.
“You can go back inside now.”
“Okay,” Donghae said. “Thank you.”
Sungmin waved a hand at them. “What’s there to say thank you about? This is just how it should be. They’ll come around too.” He motioned with his head at the door. He smiled at them again, and then went downstairs back to his own dorm.
Eunhyuk and Donghae looked at each other, and Donghae laughed and leaned his forehead against Eunhyuk’s. “Don’t cry anymore,” he said. Eunhyuk smiled at him. Donghae stood up after a minute and pulled Eunhyuk to his feet, holding onto his hands after it was necessary to.
"Do you want to go inside?" Eunhyuk looked at the door for a second. "No," he said. "I kind of want to just go home and sleep. If you want me there, though..."
"No, it's okay." They hugged each other. "Sweet dreams...'bye," Donghaee said softly, and Eunhyuk left, glancing back at him a few times. Donghae reluctantly watched him go. Soon, he thought, we won't have to always be saying goodbye.
He quietly opened the door and went back inside, peering around the corner into the living room before moving his body into it. Heechul and Hankyung were no longer there; only Eeteuk, Kangin, Kyuhyun, and Shindong remained. They looked at him as he approached, and Donghae smiled. They looked okay, he thought.
"Hey," Kangin said as he sat down next to Eeteuk. "You in love with him?"
"Yeah," he said. "Completely."
"See?" Kyuhyun said, smirking at Kangin. Kangin shrugged at him.
"I'm not okay with it, but...I'll try to accept you guys," Kangin said, glancing at him. Donghae smiled.
"Hyung," he said, "that's good enough."
Kangin nodded and stood up. "See you guys later, then," he said and walked out, rubbing his forehead. Shindong got up and followed him, waving goodbye once.
"Hyukjae go home?" Eeteuk asked.
Donghae sunk lower into the couch and curled into a ball. "Yeah."
"Heechul and Hankyung are nursing their headaches."
Donghae smothered a laugh. "Honestly, those two..."
“I guess I’ll go home, too,” Kyuhyun yawned. "Donghae."
Donghae looked up, raising his eyebrows slightly.
"After talking about it...I think I can really say that you two should just do whatever makes you happy."
"Kyu, you're so nice."
"Don't hit on me."
Donghae laughed, and Kyuhyun laughed with him. "Alright, see you later."
"Bye." He left, and Donghae shook his head. As if. Eeteuk laughed and sipped from another cup of coffee. Donghae blinked at him, amazed that he was still drinking coffee. Eeteuk caught his eye and smirked.
"What?" Donghae said, smiling involuntarily.
"Nothing. I think that went pretty well, overall."
Donghae nodded. "Shindong okay?"
"Nah, it makes him uncomfortable. He'll get used to it, though. It's not like you're going to be kissing in front of him or anything. There's not that much to adjust to."
"Right...I hope it won't bother him, because Hyukjae likes working with him..."
Eeteuk nodded. "I think it surprised everyone a little bit. We're all affectionate with each other, and I think none of them considered that there might be something deeper behind it."
"How can you, in this job..."
"You know you'll have to keep this a secret from our fans, right?"
"Of course. We just wanted you to know, since...well, you know."
"I understand. I think they're glad you told them. Sort of flattered that you trust them enough."
Donghae sighed and smoothed his shirt out. "We've known each other for a long time. We're like a family."
"We are a family." They smiled.
"Still..." Donghae said under his breath.
Eeteuk tilted his head. "Still what?"
Donghae looked up at him. "Actually...Hyung, we want to move out..."
Eeteuk looked at him sadly. "You don't have to do that," he said quietly. Donghae's throat caught at the tone of his voice.
"We want to."
"You want to live together?"
Donghae nodded, taking a quick deep breath. "I miss him. I want to be with him, but I can't here. Not now, you know? If I slept downstairs, or he slept up here, it would make everyone uncomfortable, which would make us uncomfortable. I mean, if one of us was a girl we wouldn't be here. I don't want to have to go out just to spend time with him. I should be with him...I belong with him. I really love him."
"I understand," Eeteuk said, sighing. "No help for it. I'm going to miss you a lot."
"I'm going to miss you...all of you..." Donghae said, wiping away tears.
"Want me to talk to the managers with you?"
Donghae nodded. "Hyung, can I hug you?"
Eeteuk made a tsk noise with his tongue and put his coffee cup down. Donghae hugged him and Eeteuk patted his back. "You'll be no less active. We'll still see you for every activity we do together. And just because you'd live together doesn't mean that you wouldn't be here, too."
"Yeah," Donghae sighed. "I haven't lived apart from everyone in years, though. It'll be weird for a while, adjusting..."
"No, you'll adjust immediately. You'll be with him. It'll be harder for us."
"I'm sorry, Hyung."
Eeteuk smacked the back of his head and he laughed. "I'm jealous, to be honest. I want to get married." He let go of Donghae and sat against the armrest of the couch, smiling at him.
"I always thought I wanted to get married. Have children," Donghae said, leaning his chin on his knees. He shrugged. "Things just change. I hope you get married, Hyung..."
"Thanks. You think I'd be good for marriage?"
"Absolutely. You'd be a good father."
Eeteuk smiled sadly at him, and they both understood the unspoken sentiment. Eeteuk had been like a brother, but also like a father, to Donghae since his father died. It had brought them closer, and Donghae would never forget how kind Eeteuk was to him.
"Well," Eeteuk said, "here's for hoping I get to. Anyway...Let's talk together tomorrow, the three of us, about living arrangements. I think we should make it look like you're moving in as friends."
Yeah, Donghae thought, that's probably best. He didn't want to come out to his company, because really, it wasn't any of their business. But more than that, he just doubted that many more people would be easy to accept it. The other members had known them for years, and it was still hard. The wrong time, the wrong culture. But not the wrong relationship.
"Well, we're not thrilled, but..." their manager stalled, looking at them with disgruntlement. "I mean...it's another ten minutes out of your schedule, you know?"
"Ten minutes? You can do closer than that," Eeteuk said from the manager's bed, tossing a pen up and down. Donghae and Eunhyuk were sitting on either side of him, wearing apologetic smiles.
"Why do you want to do this, again?"
"Tired of living with so many people," Donghae said. "Didn't you ever want to room with your best friend?"
"In college...You're professionals now..."
"But we're still in college."
Manager-hyung rolled his eyes. "So, what? You feel like you're missing out?"
They shrugged. "I want a little more quiet than I get here. Everyone's loud here, you know? I don't even live with Eeteuk, and I can hear him laughing down here…”
"So noisy," Donghae sniffed, and Eeteuk punched his arm.
The manager sighed. "We're not going to say no. I mean, I understand, you guys want some more independence and quiet. It is a lot of people. I would know, seeing as how I live here, too."
"So you're saying yes?"
He sighed and snatched his pen back from Eeteuk. "Yeah. Fine. If you really want to, we'll get you a place. I mean, Heechul lived with Kibum and Hankyung for a while, and Siwon lives with his parents. I just don't want them to get the idea that you can all split up, because it'd be hell to transport you places."
Eeteuk smiled coyly. "They won't."
He shrugged. "Then we'll send you information when we have a place in mind for you. I'll give it to you, Hyukjae, and you can give it to Donghae. I hope you don't mind if we search for you. You guys don’t have time to."
"No, not at all. Just make it nice, okay, Hyung? I love you..." Donghae said. Eeteuk rolled his eyes at Donghae's shamelessness and their manager smirked.
"If you think that will make me opt to get you a nicer place..."
"It'll work," Eunhyuk said, standing up. "You know it will. We all know that we like each other. It's why we keep you around."
"You keep me around because without me, you'd be like fish out of water."
"It's ‘cause we love you," Donghae said, laughing and walking to the door. "Thanks, Hyung!"
"Thank you," Eunhyuk and Eeteuk said, bowing and walking out after Donghae.
Donghae’s phone vibrated on his nightstand, waking him up. He grabbed it and answered the call, falling back onto his pillow. He guessed who it was even before he heard anything, and he was right.
“Hey,” Eunhyuk said. “Sleep well?”
“Yeah,” Donghae said, rubbing his eyes. “What’s up?”
“Manager-hyung gave me a bunch of information on possible apartments...you know, photos and stuff. Can I come up and we can look at them together?”
“Oh! Sure,” Donghae said, blinking a few times to wake himself up more. “Come over.”
“Okay, see you soon.”
“Bye,” Donghae said and put the phone back onto his nightstand. If they found an apartment they liked, Eunhyuk wouldn’t have to call him to say good morning. They could wake up together. He wanted to. He wanted to wake up and see and feel him, and know that he was there with him. So he got out of bed, looking forward to looking at the information that Eunhyuk was bringing him.
He stepped out of his room and was assaulted by the noise of Eeteuk’s laughter and Heechul talking loudly about something. He walked right past them and got a glass of milk.
“Oh, Donghae,” Eeteuk said, and Heechul stopped talking. “Good morning.”
“Good morning,” Donghae smiled and walked over to them. “Why so loud so early?”
“Why are you even up so early?” Heechul said. “Usually when we don’t have to get up, you sleep.”
“Hyukjae called me. He’s coming up to talk, because the manager downstairs gave him some pages to look at.”
“Ah,” Heechul said knowingly. “Apartment hunting.”
“Yeah,” Donghae smiled.
“You’re really leaving me?”
“I’m not leaving any of you. I’m just not going to live with you anymore.”
“Same thing,” Heechul whined. Eeteuk yawned and stretched over the back of the couch.
“Well, we’ll stay out of your way,” Eeteuk said. Heechul pursed his lips and stood up.
“I take the hint. I’m gonna go bug Hankyung,” he said and disappeared. Donghae put his glass into the sink as the doorbell rang, and he went to answer it. Eunhyuk was standing there holding a folder and they smiled at each other. Every time Donghae saw him, he was always a little amazed by how beautiful he was.
“Good morning,” he said, and Donghae stepped aside to let him in. “Where is everyone?”
“Huh?” Donghae walked back inside and blinked. “Eeteuk was just here. I dunno.”
“Oh well,” Eunhyuk said and sat down on the couch. “C’mere.”
Donghae blushed and sat down next to him, their shoulders touching. Eunhyuk opened the folder and handed a thin stack of paper to him.
“Have you had a chance to look at this already?” Donghae asked, looking at the first page.
“Just briefly. There are three apartments. He wants us to look at this and pick one to visit.”
“Yeah, just one.”
“Okay…” Donghae flipped through the pages and Eunhyuk pointed out bits he liked and didn’t like.
“What about this one?” He held up a page with photographs of the interior of an apartment. “Those windows are huge...Won’t that be kind of exposed…?”
“No, they’re tinted on the outside. I like the wooden floors...”
“It looks big.”
“It is big. All three are. Remember, we have to have space for clothing and stuff for work.”
“Good point,” Donghae nodded, comparing the photos of the apartments. He looked at Eunhyuk. “Do you have a favorite?
” “Not really...I like that one, though, the one with the big windows. Besides, look at the kitchen.”
“I don’t know how to cook,” Donghae, grimacing.
“With a kitchen like that, you’ll learn.”
“You want to visit this one, then?”
“Okay,” Donghae smiled and put the papers on the table. Eunhyuk pulled him back and Donghae put his head on his lap, closing his eyes. Eunhyuk touched his cheek with the back of his hand and lightly stroked it. Donghae felt peaceful, like this was where he belonged. Like he was meant to be touched by him.
But they remembered where they were, and Donghae sat up after a few minutes. “Soon,” he said, running his hand over Eunhyuk’s face and down his neck. Eunhyuk smiled at him and they stood up. Donghae gathered the pages together and gave them back to Eunhyuk. He walked him to the door and watched him go. Then he quietly shut the door and went to get ready for his schedule later.
“Wait a sec,” Donghae said, as his manager drove away with just him in the car. “Hyukjae isn’t coming?”
“I’m dropping you off. He’s going to come by after he’s done with his schedule, and he’ll take you home.”
“Okay,” Donghae said, sinking down into his seat. “Is it far?”
“No, it’s about seven minutes away.”
“Ah hah! Eeteuk was right.”
“Seven minutes of sleep lost,” he reminded him. No, thought Donghae, probably more than that. He blushed and turned his face towards the window. They arrived shortly and Donghae looked up at the complex. It was large. They got out and met with the administrator, who gave them a key and the apartment number.
“What floor is it on?”
“Yup,” Manager-hyung said, pushing him into the elevator. “The fifteenth floor.”
“Awesome,” Donghae said, bouncing up and down until he told him to stop. He gave him the key, and Donghae turned it over a few times. They arrived, and found the number. There were only three apartments on this floor. They walked to the correct one, and Donghae unlocked it.
They walked inside and Donghae gaped. The apartment was brightly lit by natural light from windows stretching along an entire wall from the ceiling to the floor, and the sunlight reflected off of the new wooden floors. This apartment had never been lived in before. He took off his shoes and walked inside, looking at the spaciousness with wide eyes.
“This okay?” He looked back at his manager, who grimaced as if he was resisting smiling at Donghae.
“If it wasn’t, we wouldn’t offer it.”
“Right,” he said, nodding. “This is awesome!”
“Well, since you like it, I’ll just leave you here to absorb it for a while. Promise you’ll look around carefully, okay?”
“Sure, I promise.”
“Hyukjae should be here in about an hour, and he has a key. You’ll be okay by yourself, of course.”
“Great,” he said, handing him a stack of papers. “This is information about it. If you like it and want to move in, tell me later.”
“Okay...Thanks, Hyung. I’ll see you later.”
He nodded and left. Donghae locked it after him and then tentatively took a few steps further into the apartment. It was more beautiful than it had been in the photographs. He walked straight towards the wall of windows and looked down, feeling a slight sense of vertigo. He let his eyes come up and took in their view properly. They were looking out over Seoul. From this high up, he was sure that it would be spectacular at night, when it lit up. He turned around and looked at the interior; the kitchen would be as nice, if not nicer, than the photograph once the company outfitted it.
It was large for two people, he thought, but it was relaxing in a way. But...empty. Would he really not get lonely, without the companionship of his friends? He looked around at the high ceilings and walls, perfectly white and angled interestingly. Wouldn’t he miss them?
Yeah, he thought. He would. He sat down against the glass, which he knew was extremely thick, and let himself cry a little bit. He would miss the noise and the bickering that came along with living with them. But it would be replaced with something, he told himself. He wanted to be with Eunhyuk more. He would miss them, but not enough.
I have no reason to cry, he thought. He suddenly smiled through his tears and looked around the empty apartment with an extreme fondness. This was where he would live with him, he thought. He was lucky to be able to live with him. He stood up and ran his hand across the shiny, smooth countertop. Lucky to live with the person he loved.
He took off his jacket and laid it across the counter. He could be really happy here. He walked into the kitchen and looked at the lights and the drawers. Everything was smooth and clean. And pretty.
He turned away and explored the apartment, lingering in the doorframe of one of the bedrooms, his heart beating quickly. Would they share a room? He blushed, thinking about it. The two rooms were identical; wooden floors, spacious, high ceilings, beautiful windows. Just like the rest of the apartment. He knew they would both be furnished with the same furniture, which meant two beds, but would they sleep apart…?
He bit his lip for a few seconds, suddenly unsure. He wanted to sleep with him. He knew they couldn’t get rid of the second bed even if they did sleep together, because they would need it to keep up the appearance of being just roommates. But would it mean asking Eunhyuk? He blushed again and turned away, walking to the middle of what would be the living room.
He sat down in the sun and waited for Eunhyuk to come. They would share a room, wouldn’t they? Wasn’t that a part of living together? He curled up on the floor, absorbing the warm sunlight. It would be so easy to just go to sleep here. But he didn’t want to take a nap, because he was waiting for Eunhyuk, and he wanted to be awake when he arrived.
So he passed the time by reading the information that his manger had left him - listings of the apartment’s assets and a rough plan for what the company would provide them with, as well as moving dates and other miscellaneous facts - and envisioning where things would go. The sun was beginning to go down, so he turned on the lights, and went back to waiting.
When he heard the click of a key in the lock, he flew to his feet and ran to the door, just as Eunhyuk opened it and poked his head inside. Donghae dragged him inside, gushing over how nice it was. They toured it again, together, and Eunhyuk looked around it in surprise.
“I didn’t think it would be this nice,” he said, smiling. “Awesome.”
“You want to move in?”
Eunhyuk looked at him and put his hands in Donghae’s pockets. “Yeah. Do you?”
Donghae nodded, and Eunhyuk smiled. “Okay then.”
They walked to the windows and looked out of them. He had been right about the view; Seoul at night was beautiful. Donghae smiled and slid his hands around Eunhyuk’s waist, hugging him from behind and perching his chin on his shoulder, looking at the view with him. Eunhyuk put his hands over Donghae’s and they stood like that for a few minutes, just looking at things and letting the feel of the apartment sink in. Donghae knew that as long as Eunhyuk was with him, he wouldn’t feel lonely. Or if he did, it would be the kind of loneliness that comes to every human being regardless of their surroundings. When and if that happened, Eunhyuk would be the best thing for him.
"Hyukjae," he said, tilting his head so that his lips brushed his neck as he spoke. "I'm happy with you."
Eunhyuk tilted his head back, exposing his neck, and Donghae kissed it. Eunhyuk told him that he was overjoyed each day to be with him, and Donghae smiled, secretly loving the feel of Eunhyuk's throat vibrating as he spoke. Donghae kissed him again and then nuzzled his face against his neck.
"Hey," Eunhyuk said softly. "We live here."
Donghae laughed and squeezed him. "I know."
"I like it here."
"Me too." Eunhyuk turned around and kissed him. Donghae clung to him, reveling in the intimate yet painfully brief contact. Eunhyuk hesitated, his face mere millimeters from Donghae’s, and they lost themselves in each other’s eyes. The look in them made Donghae’s heart race, because they showed him how special he was to him.
“We should go,” Eunhyuk whispered halfheartedly and kissed him again, their lips gentle and affectionate. Eunhyuk was his precious jewel, something that he wanted to cherish and love.
“I know,” Donghae sighed, sliding his hands over Eunhyuk’s shoulders. He kissed his cheek and went to get his jacket and things, reluctantly ending their moment. Lately he was wanting more and more of those moments. It was never enough.
“I want to stay here,” Donghae said as he turned off the lights. “You know? I want to be moved in already. I just want time with you.”
“I know,” Eunhyuk said, kissing his hand on the way to the door. “But we’ll have all the time in the world soon.”
“Soon,” Donghae said again. He looked back at Eunhyuk and opened his mouth to ask him about where they would sleep, but he blushed and turned away, opening the door.
“What?” Eunhyuk said, poking him in the back.
“Nothing,” he said, locking it and glancing at him with a sudden shyness.
“What is it?”
“It’s nothing,” Donghae said, skipping away. Eunhyuk followed him, bugging him for what he was thinking about until they reached his car. They didn’t have access to the underground garage yet, so Eunhyuk had parked outside. It was completely dark now, and Donghae commented on what a beautiful night it was to switch the subject.
“We’re just going back to the dorm now, right?”
“Yeah,” Eunhyuk said. “We need to go to sleep fairly soon and get up early tomorrow.”
“If I didn’t love what we do, I’d hate what we do.”
Donghae nodded. “Work and school.”
“Makes you wish summer would come soon, doesn’t it?”
“It does,” Donghae moaned, rubbing his eyes. “But it’s okay.”
They walked up the stairs and Eunhyuk said goodnight, unlocking the door to his dorm. Donghae leaned against the railing and watched him, and when he opened it, they both jumped in surprise. Everyone else was there waiting for them.
“What’s going on?” Donghae laughed, and they pulled them inside.
“We know you’re not leaving for a few days, but we’re really busy soon, so we wanted to get together to say goodbye,” Sungmin was saying.
“Guys,” Donghae moaned, starting to cry and cursing himself for crying so easily. “We’re not leaving you. This isn’t goodbye!”
“We know, but...we won’t see you as much.”
“We’ll meet all the time,” Donghae said, wiping his eyes. “It’s not like we’ll be strangers.”
“But…” Kyuhyun said. “You won’t be coming back to the dorms, right? Not unless it’s absolutely essential for the group.”
Donghae looked at Eunhyuk, and he knew that it was true. As long as they were together, they wouldn’t come back to the dorms.
“Not...Not to live,” Eunhyuk said quietly.
“So it is an end,” Kyuhyun said. “Understand?”
Donghae nodded, and the others hugged them. He sobbed, listening to them wish them well and telling them that they would miss them. Hands held him as he cried, and when he was done, they dragged him to the couch and they ate together. He kept meeting Eunhyuk’s eyes and knew that he was feeling the same mixture of emotions as he was. And he knew that Eunhyuk would understand him, too.
[Next Part] Chapter Ten: Better Than a Nightlight