Part: Chapter Four: Trigonometry and Bubble Tea
Previous Parts: Prologue, Chapter One, Chapter Two, Chapter Three
Pairing: Eunhyuk/Donghae, some Yesung/Ryeowook, Henry/Ryeowook.
Rating: PG-13 (sensuality)
Word Count: 2,907
Synopsis: Donghae returns from China and comes to realize his true feelings towards Eunhyuk in a relationship that transcends friendship.
Next Update: Saturday, July 11th (barring no extreme writer's block. You know the deal.)
Hi guys! ^^ It's time for chapter four. It feels like time's really flown to me...like, I was planning this chapter weeks ago but it feels like days. Well, today is July 4th, and that means for Americans that it's a holiday where we BBQ stuff and light off fireworks - so to those of us who are in the US, Happy Independence Day!
Please read and enjoy!! ^ ^ /
(Thanks to tvxqsocks for helping me to edit it, proofreading it, and giving her awesome support! ^ ^)
Trigonometry and Bubble Tea
Donghae stretched his hands over his head and yawned. He’d been like this all morning, waking up and then rolling over and sleeping again. They’d gotten in late last night from Kiss the Radio, and Donghae was still catching up on his sleep.
He opened his eyes and looked at the ceiling. He smiled; it was nice to be able to spend a morning doing nothing but sleeping. He reached over and picked up his alarm clock. It was almost noon. He yawned again and rolled out of bed.
He’d had a lot of fun last night sitting in at Kiss the Radio, messing with Eunhyuk and Eeteuk and talking with the staff members. He’d lip synced and danced with Eunhyuk during the music sections just like old times. Plus, the staff and his manager arranged for him to appear as a guest next month.
Smiling, he went about his usual morning routine of personal hygiene and dressed into a t-shirt and pants. Walking past the laundry basket he remembered that he had a pair of Eunhyuk’s clothes and reminded himself to return them to him later.
“Hankyung,” Donghae called, walking out into the living room of the dorm and flopping himself down on the couch. “Hankyung!”
Hangeng poked his head out of his room. “Aish, what?”
Donghae pouted and slung his arms over the back of the couch. “What are you doing? I’m hungry.”
“So eat, seriously…”
“Aren’t you hungry too?”
Hangeng sighed. “Not really.”
“Hyung, won’t you cook for me?” Donghae reached his arms out towards Hangeng and tried his best to be cute.
“No,” Hangeng whined and waved a hand at him. “You slept in too late. Get something yourself.”
“You’re the only one who can cook, hyung!” Donghae protested, but Hangeng disappeared into his room again and shut the door. Dongae sighed and went back to his room. He didn’t want to cook, and he didn’t want to eat cereal, and no one else would fix anything for him, so why not just wait until Hangeng got hungry enough to make lunch?
He made his bed and pulled on a hoodie. Sitting down, he played with his cellphone and thought about texting Eunhyuk. He didn’t really have anything to say, though. After a few minutes he decided to just send him an emoticon and spent a minute designing the cutest one that he could.
Just as he sent it, the doorbell rung.
Donghae stood up and went to answer it, slipping his phone into the pocket of his hoodie. Hangeng was opening his door to answer it, but Donghae waved him away. “I got it,” he said.
He stood up on his tiptoes to look through the peep hole. On the other side of the door, Ryeowook was standing with his hands in his pockets, looking down at his feet. Donghae blinked and remembered that Ryeowook had said he’d wanted to talk to him. He opened the door and smiled. “Hey, Ryeowookkie.”
“Ah,” Ryeowook smiled. “Hyung.”
An idea struck Donghae as his stomach growled. “Have you eaten?” he asked brightly.
“Ah, no, but…”
“Let’s go out!” Donghae grabbed his wallet and keys and pulled a confused Ryeowook down the stairs and out of the building.
“Hyung, I want to talk to-”
“I know,” Donghae patted his head. “We’ll talk. I’m really hungry, though, so let’s eat first, okay?”
He couldn’t help noticing that Ryeowook looked forlorn and stressed. Donghae dragged him to the train station and forced him to talk about meaningless, light things with him. Ryeowook smiled faintly, responding to what Donghae was saying with adequate life.
They took a train two stops further into Seoul and went to a Japanese restaurant. They sat down and Donghae eyed the menu hungrily, telling Ryeowook to order whatever he wanted.
“Hyung,” Ryeowook leaned forward. “I’m not really hungry…”
Donghae looked up. “Eat something anyway. If you don’t eat properly everyone will worry about you. You’re too skinny anyway!”
Ryeowook looked plaintively at Donghae for a moment, and then picked up his menu and studied it. Donghae decided on a sushi plate. He leaned forward and smiled at Ryeowook. “What do you want?”
“Okay!” Donghae nodded and they ordered. Donghae savored every bite of delicious raw fish and rice, stuffing his mouth with spider crab rolls and slices of mackerel. Ryeowook sighed and ate his udon, and it looked to Donghae that after the fifth spoonful or so he was enjoying it.
“Hyung,” Ryeowook said, sipping udon broth and taking a bite of a boiled root vegetable.
“Nn?” Donghae covered his mouth with a hand and looked questioningly at Ryeowook as he chewed an enormous piece of sushi.
“This is good,” Ryeowook smiled. Donghae smiled too, as much as he could with his mouth full of sushi.
Donghae sipped his cup of green tea and ate the last few grains of rice from his plate, feeling much better than he had when they left. Ryeowook drank the last of his udon broth, and Donghae laid his chopsticks down across his plate and leaned back in his chair.
“So...what did you want to talk about?”
“Ah…” Ryeowook looked down at his hands. “Actually…”
He took a deep breath and rocked back and forth slightly, frowning. Donghae tilted his head and took another sip from his green tea.
“I only…” Ryeowook looked up. “I’m only telling you because I really like you, hyung, and I trust you...I really...want to talk to someone, and...if you’re...okay with it…” he broke off and leaned his elbows on the table, covering his eyes with his hands.
Donghae put his cup down. “What’s up?”
Ryeowook looked at him, his eyes shining with suppressed tears. “I don’t want you to tell anyone, okay? I want it to just be between us.”
“I promise I won’t tell anyone.”
Ryeowook bit his lip and opened and closed his mouth a few times. Donghae sat patiently and watched him, waiting and wondering. He paid the bill and thanked the waitress as she cleared their table.
“I’ll just...start from the beginning, okay?”
“I...no...two years ago, hyung...I...dated Yesung,” Ryeowook hid his head in his hands.
Donghae’s eyebrows flew up. Dated Yesung? His heart skipped a beat as he comprehended what Ryeowook meant.
“Ryeowookkie...are you gay?”
“Yes,” Ryeowook nodded, a tear rolling down his burning cheeks.
Donghae looked at him, shocked. He was gay? He couldn’t believe it. But, a small voice said in his head, was it really that surprising? If he thought about it, hadn’t they always been very close?
“Hyung,” Ryeowook said, leaning forward with a look of desperation on his face. “You’re not mad, are you?”
“Mad?” Donghae blinked. “Why would I be mad?”
Ryeowook shrugged listlessly, tears running down his face. “Maybe you think it’s disgusting, or you’re afraid of me, or...I don’t know.” He shrugged again.
Donghae shook his head. “I don’t think any of that...it’s...it’s okay with me, you know? Honestly, Ryeowookkie, don’t cry.” He reached across the table and wiped his tears with his sleeve, realizing that it really was okay with him as he did so. Ryeowook wasn’t any different because he’d confessed to liking boys. It didn’t even matter than he and Yesung had been dating all this time, did it?
“So? What’s wrong now?” Donghae asked, cuffing him lightly under his chin.
“W-we broke up before I went to China with you, hyung,” Ryeowook hiccoughed. “And I still...I still liked him, but…in China...” he paused and looked at Donghae with pitifully pained eyes.
Donghae remembered what Eunhyuk had asked him. “Henry…?” he asked quietly.
Ryeowook nodded and started to cry again. He took two deep breaths and Donghae stood up and pulled Ryeowook out of his chair by the arm. “C’mon,” he said quietly, “let’s go somewhere more private, okay?”
Ryeowook nodded. They walked to a nearby park and sat down beneath a large, old tree, one that had probably heard lots of tearful stories by now. Donghae leaned back against the trunk of it and looked up at the sky through the few leaves that remained. “Talk,” he said softly.
Ryeowook hugged his knees to himself, rested his chin on them, and sighed, looking dejected and sad. Donghae looked at him and wondered how long he’d been looking like that on the inside.
“Henry, you know…I really like him,” Ryeowook said, starting to sob. “And while we were in China...it...it turned into a mutual attraction. I was actually...really...sad to come back to Korea, where I wouldn’t s-see him everyday. And I thought...but….” he broke off and sniffed, wiping his eyes.
“I thought it was over with Yesung,” Ryeowook moaned. “I thought that he rejected me and we were over. So I didn’t think he would care that Henry...and I…”
I see, thought Donghae. That fits. He nodded slowly and put an arm around Ryeowook’s shoulders. “He cares a lot, doesn’t he.”
“He’s so angry with me,” Ryeowook whispered, wiping his eyes. “It’s like I’ve cheated on him.”
“But you haven’t, have you?”
Ryeowook shook his head. “I don’t know. Maybe I did.”
“But you said you broke up…was it…” Donghae rubbed his forehead. “Did you or didn’t you? What did he say?”
“He said...he was tired of me…” Ryeowook sobbed. “That he didn’t think he could keep it up.”
“So, you broke up?”
Ryeowook sighed heavily. “Yes. And then I left, and I started to like Henry. And a-after a while, Yesung started calling me.” He buried his head in his hands. “Telling me that he missed me. But I’d already…”
Ryeowook shrugged. “I don’t know anymore. I was really happy to see him, but he just...wanted to know about Henry, and didn’t want to look at me. He didn’t even smile at all when he saw me...”
“He doesn’t sleep in the same room with you anymore.”
Ryeowook nodded, looking down at his hands. “He won’t. I asked him to. I said I’d sleep outside if he wouldn’t sleep in the room…and he won’t let me. And I feel so bad. Hyung, what should I do?”
What should you do? Donghae didn’t have the slightest clue. He wasn’t experienced in relationships, and he knew even less about homosexual relationships. Were they any different? He didn’t know.
“I…” Donghae opened and closed his mouth helplessly. He shouldn’t be asking him; he was asking the wrong person. All he could do was support Ryeowook and lend an ear. “Ask…gosh,” he ran a hand through his hair. “I really don’t know how to advise you, Ryeowookkie...You should ask Eeteuk.”
Donghae nodded, wishing he could say something more helpful and feeling slightly ashamed that he couldn’t.
“He knows stuff, Ryeowookkie,” Donghae said with feeling. “He’s the oldest, and he’s good with words. He’s...wiser.”
“You think he could help?”
“Yeah,” Donghae nodded. “I’m sorry.”
Ryeowook shook his head. “I’m really grateful, hyung, that you listened to me.”
Donghae smiled sadly. “I guess I can just ask one thing - do you still want to be with Yesung?”
Ryeowook looked silently across the park, his eyes hooded and enigmatic. “I don’t know,” he said at last. “Part of me is still in love with him, and part of me wants to tell him that it’s too late.”
“And what about them? Do you know what they want?”
Ryeowook’s eyes started to water again. “I know what Henry wants,” he whispered.
Donghae nodded. He didn’t have anything else to say. He guessed that what Henry wanted was to be with Ryeowook. “If you want to keep talking...go ahead,” Donghae said quietly.
Ryeowook did talk. He talked his mixed feelings for Yesung and Henry, and how guilty he felt towards Yesung but also how much Yesung had hurt him, and how much he liked Henry. He talked about keeping his relationship with Yesung a secret and how hard that had been. Donghae found it pretty remarkable that no one had noticed. Or had they…?
After Ryeowook had vented enough, Donghae pulled him to his feet and hugged him. “If you need to talk again, I’ll listen,” he offered.
“Thank you,” Ryeowook said, looking like he really meant it. “I’m sorry to bother you with all of this.”
“It’s no problem, okay?”
They got some bubble tea on the way home, and Ryeowook washed his face in the bathroom of the cafe. Donghae glanced at his cell phone while he was away to check the time. It was almost four o’clock. He sipped his tea and chewed on the tapioca pearls thoughtfully. He was confused, surprised, and a little shaken. But with regards to Ryewook and himself, he wasn’t at all worried. Ryeowook was like his younger brother.
You have one (1) text message, his cellphone blinked at him.
His heart skipped a beat. From Eunhyuk? He opened the message. How cute ^o^!! It read and he bit his straw, unable to suppress a big smile. He read it again and then closed his phone.
Ryeowook came out and they took the same train back to their home station and walked home. As they approached the dorms Donghae encouraged Ryeowook to talk to Eeteuk again. Ryeowook nodded uncertainly.
“You can come up and talk to him now if you want to,” Donghae said.
“Hyung,” Ryeowook stopped walking and shifted his weight uneasily. “I don’t want Eeteuk-hyung to think any differently of me.”
“I don’t think any differently of you. Eeteuk won’t either.”
“You really think so?”
“I really think so.” Donghae clapped him on the shoulder. “Let’s go, okay?”
Ryeowook nodded and they took the elevator up to the top floor. Donghae kicked off his shoes and indicated that Ryeowook should do the same. Donghae knocked on Eeteuk’s door. “Hyung, you in?”
Eeteuk answered with a smile. “Donghae.” He looked at Ryeowook and blinked, mildly surprised. “Ryeowookkie, it’s nice to see you.”
Donghae pushed Ryeowook into Eeteuk’s room. “He wants to talk to you,” Donghae half smiled.
“Hyung…” Ryeowook glanced back at Donghae nervously and Donghae smiled at him. Eeteuk looked questioningly at Donghae, who simply said that he’d be in his room. Eeteuk nodded and smiled at Ryeowook, closing the door.
Donghae peeled off his hoodie and flopped down on his bed, drinking the last of his tea. Eeteuk, he thought, please be kind to him. He was sure he would be, though. Eeteuk could probably start him on the path to fixing what was going on.
He opened his cell phone and called Eunhyuk. He drank the last of his tea as he waited for Eunhyuk to pick up.
“Hyukjae,” Donghae broke into a smile.
“Donghae,” Eunhyuk said. Donghae could hear the smile in his voice. “What’s up?”
“Nothing,” Donghae curled up at the foot of his bed, an irrepressible smile on his face. “I just wanted to talk. You’re not busy, are you?”
“No, I can talk. How are you?”
“I’m okay…I’m better now…”
“Ah…” Donghae paused and laughed. “I went out with Ryeowook...he wanted to talk to me. I can’t say why, but I’m sure you can guess...”
“It was that, huh?” Eunhyuk said quietly.
“It was that.”
They both laughed softly. “You promised not to tell me anything, huh?”
“Yeah,” Donghae said. “I can’t tell anyone what’s going on. Sorry.”
“It’s okay...I actually like it more that you keep promises.”
Donghae smiled more widely. He liked that? “You’re not upset that I can’t tell you?”
“Not at all. Did you eat?”
“Yeah. I kind of wish I lived downstairs sometimes so that I could reap the benefits of you guys cooking, by the way.”
Eunhyuk laughed. “Eeteuk said you guys are helpless if ahjumma doesn’t bring you food and there isn’t any ramyun or cereal.”
“He’s right. But down there you cook all the time…”
“So freeload; it’s okay.”
“I will,” Donghae laughed, running a hand over his forehead. He felt so happy talking to Eunhyuk. He just liked hearing his voice.
“Yah, Hyukjae...I don’t have a schedule for awhile, but I’m dying to do something. Are you free tomorrow?”
“Let’s go up to SM Studios and practice dancing.”
“Dancing?” Eunhyuk mulled it over for a half second. “Okay.”
“Okay,” Donghae said, feeling ridiculously pleased. “Let’s go in the morning?”
“Mhmm, you can come down and eat breakfast with us,” Eunhyuk laughed.
They talked for an hour. Sometimes they didn’t say anything at all, but knew the other was on the line and that they were connected. Donghae talked about how excited he would be to start Super Junior activities again. Mostly they talked about meaningless stuff, catching up with each other.
“Then...I’ll see you tomorrow,” Donghae said. “Eat well, sleep well, okay?”
Eunhyuk laughed. “You too.”
Donghae hung up, still smiling. He sat against the wall and drew his knees to himself, opening his photos on his phone. He wanted to see Eunhyuk’s face. He scrolled through photos of him until he realized with a jolt that sent his heart up into his throat what he was doing.
Blushing furiously, he closed his phone with a snap. What am I doing?
“...Part of me is still in love with him...”
His heart pounded. In love?
[Next Part] Chapter Five: Reexamination of the Heart